One of the biggest regrets I harbor in my life is not being bolder when I should have, more transparent when I needed to be, and less afraid of being rejected. I’ve had so many chances over the course of my life to bare my soul and wear my heart on my sleeve but failed to do so. As a result, I carried an unwavering torch in silence and to no end. So many unsent letters have been penned inside my head; things I should have said, things I should have done, moments I should have seized had I not hesitated.
Even now, in the autumn of my life, the recipient on all those unsent letters leaves indelible marks upon my soul – all the while not knowing and unassuming of my interests. My intended will almost certainly read this and wonder if this is about her even if the encounter may have been short or fleeting. All I’m saying is that those indelible moments defined who I have become, what destinations I explored, and shaped the things that I hold sacred. I am eternally grateful for all of it.
This isn’t a lament. Nor is it a futile attempt to re-write history. I’m grateful for the cards I’ve been dealt and the milestones I’ve experienced. This is really about retrospection on how our lives are really the sum part of all the choices we make along the way. At the end of the day, I’m just seeking a sort of absolution from my inactions.
I’ve written before about the importance of blessings and lessons. I’ve been blessed with a life rich in experiences. The lesson in all this is that unwavering torches and unsent letters really serve no one, and leave us with too many unanswered what-ifs. While still a bit outside of my present comfort zone, maybe it’s time to send those letters after all and refuse to let fear write the remaining chapters of my story. Previous regrets can be turned into future joys. Another epiphany.